Discussions July 14, 2016

Let’s Talk

This is something I’ve wanted to do for a while. I didn’t know when to start or how to introduce it or even how it would fit among all of the fashion and beauty and travel content we create. I’ve been writing this for a while. Bit by bit, piece by piece, whenever I’ve felt like saying something. I’ve written it down and saved it, hoping eventually all of my thoughts would come together as one. Well…they didn’t but there is never a better time to start something new than NOW. So here is something new!

 

Sometimes it might seem like all travel and pretty things going on over here, but the truth is that there is a lot of unseen activity happening that are both parts exciting and scary as well as many challenges and doubts that we just don’t share. I’ve always shied away from getting too personal on my blog, or opted to not share my thoughts and opinions on certain topics or just everyday struggles and realness. Just the thought of it makes me feel extremely scared and anxious (sweaty hands included). For someone who has shared her life on the internet for the past five years, that might sound strange, but it’s true! It’s not that I haven’t wanted to, it’s that I’ve felt that I’m not able to. My thoughts get all jumbled in my head and I fear that I won’t be able to articulate what I’m actually feeling. It scares me, so instead of trying, I shut it down.

 

I don’t want to do that anymore. I want to talk to you guys. I want to FEEL with you guys!

 

I genuinely care about each and every one of you and I want to be able to have these conversations with you. Sometimes it feels like a one-way conversation, and maybe that’s my fault, because I haven’t opened up and given you guys a chance. I’ve loved using Snapchat because it’s allowed me to communicate with many of you on a more personal level. Sometimes I feel like I’m texting my girlfriends when I’m just Snapchatting back and forth with readers I’ve never met. It’s awesome and I love it!

 

So, what does this all mean? Where am I going with this? I’m still going to be sharing lots of fashion and beauty and travel content, but you can also expect to see more posts like this where I share more personal topics. This feels like the first time that I’ve allowed myself to not be scared and instead be excited! Fear is a funny thing, isn’t it? It holds us back from so much and yet, often times, it’s all in our own heads. What do I have to be scared of? That people won’t like me? That I’ll lose readers because they won’t like what I have to say? They’ll critique me more? I’ve been scared of sharing because I thought that the more I shared, the more chances it gave people to pick me apart. What I didn’t think about though, which is much more important, is how it could build an even deeper relationship with the readers that do want that, which is what I want, too.

 

Since I’ve already started talking about it, I wanted to continue to explore the topic of fear. When Thomas and I feel ourselves stuck on a problem, we use an exercise called the “Five Whys”. Essentially, to uncover the root cause of the problem, you keep asking yourself questions that start with “Why?”, it should take no more than 5 to get to the bottom of things. Lately, with a combination of new challenges and wanting to make changes, it’s been having me feel really fearful. I wanted to get to the root of this because I never want to let fear hold me back from taking chances. So, we did the Five Whys and here’s what we came up with:

 

T: Why are you fearful?

J: Because I’m scared of failure or not meeting my own or others expectations.

T: Why are you so scared to fail?

J: Because it’s embarrassing, it means I wasn’t good enough.

T: Why do you care about embarrassing yourself?

J: Because I care about what people think of me.

T: Why should what people think of you impact what you do?

J: It shouldn’t, but I still let it.

 

Solution: I need to have the confidence in myself to make the right decisions for me. While I believe I should factor in opinions of those closest to me, ultimately the decisions are up to me. The people that care about me should support the decisions that I make. And if I fail, that’s okay. I’ll learn from the failures and keep trying.

 

It’s completely natural to feel scared of doing something new, but moving forward I’m going to take this advice and not let fear stop me from doing what I think I should be doing.

 

Have any of you ever felt like this? What do you do to work on fear and grow your confidence?

 

I’m also excited to introduce a new newsletter series that will go out on Mondays, co-written by both Thomas and me. The series is meant to provide words of motivation as we share how we’ve dealt with challenges and hurdles in the past. As with everything we do, our hope is to have a refreshing take that is always positive and encouraging. You can sign up for our email newsletters here so you’ll be sure to receive the first one on Monday. And if you’ve gotten this far in the post, I commend you on your dedication (you’re awesome), as this was much longer than I anticipated!

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